Texas Is Hotter Than Hell
"If I don't make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!" — April Mae Monterrosa, CEO and Publisher of “Live From The South Side” established in San Antonio
The devil wanted a place on earth
Sort of a summer home
A place to spend a warm vacation
any time he chose to roam.
So the devil picked Texas
A place so hot, so wretched and rough
The climate was just to his liking
It was easy to run it amuck
He dried up the streams in the canyons again
And ordered no rain to fall
He dried up the lakes in the valleys
Then baked and scorched it all.
Over his barren country
He transplanted shrubs from hell.
The cactus, mesquite cedar and locust
The climate suited them well.
The climate and vegetation was perfect
But animal life, he had none.
So he conjured up some awful creatures
That all God fearing Texans would certainly shun.
First he made the rattlesnake
With it's forked poisonous tongue.
He taught it to strike and rattle
And to enjoy the taste of it's young.
Then he made copperheads, moccasins and lizards
And even horney toads.
He added spiders and ants of every description
To sting when you walked by the side of the road.
Then when he thought God was not watching
he ordered the sun to shine hotter, and hotter still.
until the mesquite and cactus wilted
And the horned toad took ill.
Then he gazed on this hellish kingdom
As any demon would
He chuckled and growled
This is good.
'Twas August of that summer as Satan lay
By a dying prickly pear in a meadow without hay
The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
So he took off his coat and vest.
"My God," he finally panted,
"I did my job too well,
I'm going back to where I came from,
because Texas is hotter than Hell
Original Author Unknown - Ode to Texas - Changes and additions by Fred Lundgren
We can't keep the house cool. Think of how it will be in August.
Juneteenth in Houston.
Temperature, one hundred
I pay for my sins.